Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Fighting the Good Fight

This post is in response to a call for sharing of breastfeeding experiences in 100 words or less from Amber McCann over at Nourish Breastfeeding Support .  Feel free to send Amber your submission, too!

Here's what I sent in and before you read this please know that EVERY word I've ever said to any of you encouraging you to breastfeed, I have meant from the bottom of my soul.  I believe in YOU, your breastfeeding powers, your child, and myself as a person who supports and champions breastfeeding.  However, I am at a turning point in my own breastfeeding relationship and I am not going to lie and tell anyone that I'm looking at doing what is best only for Millie.  There are two people directly invovled in this and I will consider us both when approaching what we do in the future.  Also, for anyone who believes that breastfeeding well into the toddler years is 'only for the mom' or to 'keep the baby a baby longer' or some other horse-shit, don't let the door hit you in your horse's ass. 

It seems I'm always fighting for breastfeeding. Whether in the NICU with my baby, for friends and family who struggle, for women who get kicked out of public places. Now, I'm fighting with myself. My nursling is almost two and I'm burn-out. She's never been a great sleeper and nursing is so important to her. I fought hard to get her to nurse; why am I so keen to have her stop? She's my last, and I know it's what she needs, but I'm on the verge of shutting down. I'm trying. I'm fighting for you, Millie! 


Adriana said...

my son is 21 months and i was JUST laying in bed nursing him thinking that i was starting to get burnt out. ill miss it but man, my body is TIRED. he is still very attached to nursing and wont take any other milk but i think im going to start pushing towards weening. ill be gentle and give him some time but i think we need to start heading there.
do what you gotta do Mama and be proud you have gone this far!

jen said...

thank you, adrianna! be good to yourself and also be proud to have come so far. 21 months is nothing to pshaw about!

Clare said...

All I can offer is great big hugs. I'm sorry you're burnt out. You realise that getting this far is pretty amazing, but I understand how hard it is going to be to try to encourage her to stop nursing. One reason I'm a little reluctant to have another child is it's bringing me closer to the day when I have my last pregnancy, the last final breastfeed fills me with dread. I don't want it to ever stop. When we get to that part I think I will need some wise wisdom from you. As I can't offer any wise wisdom on how to proceed I will just say you deserve a medal. And a fricking huge medal at that. If your daughters have children and successfully breastfeed, possibly past 1 year then you know you've done your job.

jen said...

aww, clare thanks!!!! we are still nursing...i've cut it down to 3-4 times a day, though. i just re direct her because i think it keeps me from getting crawly and over touched. anyway, it's working. so what, i can't brag about "child-led weaning" but at least i'm not force weaning her because i'm worn out!