Thursday, January 26, 2012

A Word From Your Queen!

Hi!  Millie here.  My mom has so generously invited me to be a guest on the blog today.  Ok, maybe 'invite' is too strong a word.  She's in there 'cooking' something she likes to call lunch, so I've got a few.  And may I say a big THANK YOU to Google Translator because, WOW, this woman types in gibberish!

Anyway, I wanted to share a little about what it's like to be 2, from someone who knows the dealio.  See, I've been 2 for four whole months now and I've been acting like I'm 2 for quite a bit longer (like, 8 months AT LEAST).  No one really gets it, so I thought I'd give a few pointers.  Here goes!  (Dontchya LOVE the title???)

1.  My way there another way.

Do we really need to discuss this?  I mean, seriously, why can't you just GIVE me the knife and the markers and let me decide when it's inappropriate and where.  You call that the 'good sofa?'  I've seen better furniture on the curb being peed on by a dog, lady.  All it needs is some decoration and a few holes cut in it an voila, you've got yourself a work of art!

2.  I wanted it YESTERDAY.

Back to the markers, why didn't you give them to me already?  I mean, I've been screaming at you for at LEAST 13 seconds and I said as plain as day, "GIVE ME MARKERS NOW!!!!"  Do you have hearing issues or are you just really old and slow?

3.  What?  I don't want THAT now!

Ooops, too slow.  You took too long, I was SO over the markers like, 4 seconds ago.  Get with the program, I am now after the spray bottle of spot remover.  NO, I don't want to clean up the sofa, are you insane?  I just want to go remove the spots from Spot.  You know, the dog.  He and I have to go poop on the floor later and I really don't wanna be seen with him and those darn spots of his!  They clash.

4.  Go to sleep?????

Sleep is for the weak and old (obviously because my mom does a LOT of it!).  THREE HOURS???!?!?!?!?!?!  Are you kidding?  I can recharge in 15 minutes and I'm ready for some trash trawling or some cabinet excavation.  Really, you people would think that sleep is a vital part of life or something.  Why are you so darn tired, anyway?  I mean, all you do is follow me around all day, surely you're not THAT out of shape!

So, I've kept it short and sweet 'cause the woman keeps looking around and asking why I'm being so quiet.  Gaw, I try to be good for once and she suspects something!  Just as a last note of importance:  THE CARSEAT HAS SPIKES IN IT.  Check that out, it hurts to sit in that thing unless you turn the DVD player on, give me candy, and act like a lunatic singing "Let's go for a ride."  I think that turns the little spike thingy off....

1 comment:

Fireflyforever said...

Brilliant. I am curtseying Queen Milly, honestly (and quaking a little as Toby turned 2 last month and I know what a year this will be!!)