Upcycled Diapers Tutorial

Just a small disclaimer to start.  I am NOT a seamstress!  These were done based off of a pattern on With A Tangled Skein and I modified it to a "T" pattern that fits my baby better.  You might find her tutorial to be more complete or easier to follow.  This is my first tutorial, so if you see anything amiss, please let me know!  Now, on with Upcycled Diapers!

The Pants

 

 I brought these home in anticipation of making diapers out of them, but my kids thought otherwise!  It does give you a perspective of how big the pants are (4X) so that you don't go thinkin' you can make 3 dipes out of a pair of regular jogging pants. 

Here are the pants laid out in preparation of the first cut!  They are jogging pants from a local retailer, clearance price of $1.50.  So, with 10% tax, that's $1.65 for the pair.  You can use a sweat shirt, but you'll only get 1 diaper from a large sized shirt.

First, I cut the waist band off.

Second, I cut the seams apart so that I had 2 pieces that looked like this.

Next, I found a diaper that I had made previously that I liked.  At first, I made the preflats as mentioned above, but they didn't fit well, so I modified them into a "T" shape. 

I tried several configurations and finally managed to get 3 diapers out of the material!  You'll need to draw your diapers a bit larger than actual fit in order to figure in seam allowances. 

After you've drawn all your diaper shapes (you can draw on front side or back side because it will all get covered once you sew), place the cut out shapes onto the other larger piece of material RIGHT SIDES TOGETHER and draw the outlines.  This time, you can draw the exact shape because you've already built in your seam allowances. 

Cut out the second set of diapers. 


















Put the originals RIGHT SIDES TOGETHER and sew around the edges using a 1/4" seam allowance and a zigzag stitch.  Be sure to leave a small opening in the short end of the diaper for turning the fabric.  You will want to use a smaller zigzag, but not too small so that the material doesn't bunch.   

Trim up your edges and snip notches along corners and bends.  It's important to have neat and close edges!

Turn your diaper right side out.

Next, make sure all corners and edges of the diaper are fully turned out.  Fold under the open space along the short end and sew together using a very narrow straight stitch. 

Finally, sew around the perimeter of the diaper with a larger zigzag stitch and using about a 1/2" seam.

You could put more layers together, but these diapers work great as 2 layers with a liner and a wool cover. 

And just one more of the gorgeous model, helping mama make the diapers:

Call the Spell Check Police...

I just couldn't let this go. 

The other day on one of the social networking sites that I am on, someone posted about a friend who was excited to be going to college.  That friend had misspelled several words in her original post, including the word 'college.'  Several people went on to poke fun at the original poster and her obvious lack of intelligence.  They also questioned her ability to learn and her place in a facility of higher education.

Several people said (paraphrase) that colleges let anyone and everyone in and not everyone should be allowed to seek a college education.  That made me fuming mad.  How dare they say something so demeaning of others?  Have we become so elitist that we would deny the freedom to better our station to those of us that we deem unworthy?

I am the parent of a child who was labelled 'learning disabled' at a very young age.  We were told she'd be 'average at best' and not to expect her to be accepted into college.  Well, guess what?  She's going to college and she's better than average.  She's been given a chance to succeed even though there were those around her who would see her just survive.  She can better herself and her world, even though she could not read much beyond preschool level when she was in the fourth grade.

A couple of days passed, and I just couldn't let this go.  It's amazing to me that, in the land of the free and the brave, we have other people willing to say that not everyone deserves the same chances as everyone else.  I agree that not everyone WILL go to college.  Some simply do not care to and others who want to will not get the chance because they feel that a college education is out of their reach financially.  Others who want to go may feel that they are constrained by life circumstances (family, children, job) and  can not commit to spending time to get a higher education.  Still, it's encouraging to know that the doors to knowledge are flung wide for those willing to pursue education beyond high school.  

So how dare someone insinuate that simply because another has some spelling errors in a post online that that person is not worthy of education?  If that person truly can not spell some words, perhaps the best thing for her would be to go to a place of higher learning and to be challenged to learn to spell correctly.  Would we deny her that opportunity in order to keep her ignorant?  Why?  It seems to me that educating our citizens to the highest of their capabilities would be a boon for our society.  The more people we educate, the more mind power we have to care for and grow our society properly.  This is the land of opportunity, of free-markets and freedom from tyranny and oppression.  Isn't it?   

There was also accusation of public school failure in the responses.  I'll give ya that the public education system in this country needs a redo.  If only we could backspace and delete over some of the stuff that DOESN'T work (No Child Left Behind), and insert smaller classroom sizes, more teachers, better facilities.  Things that do work and do foster better learning in our children. 

We also need to re-insert the parents and other caregivers into the equation.  It seems that schools have become a 13 year (or longer) on-going daycare facility.  Parents can just drop their kids off and go to work.  Easy.  Peasy.  Then, the kids get home and mommy and daddy are still at work, so they do what they will until their exhausted parents come home and feed them some fast food and send them to bed.  People, we've got to get back in the parenting business.  Working for a living is a reality, but so is the need for parent interaction.  I've heard it time and time again:  Teachers aren't teaching our kids the 3 R's, they are teaching them social skills and basic behavior skills and manners.  Things that should be taught and reinforced at home.

And speaking of teaching at home, some people think that home schooling is the answer.  I guess that would be the epitome of parent involvement, but homeschoolers seem to think that a complete 'check out' of the system is in order.  We can not fix something that is broken by ignoring it.  If a natural gas line on my property breaks and leaks natural gas into the air, I can't just go on about my day ignoring it.  Eventually, the neighborhood will be on fire.  So how is keeping our kids away from public schools, and therefore society, going to help us fix the public school system or society itself?  Someday, those kids will have to be integrated back into society if they want to live and flourish in that society. 

I'm sure some of you will read this and find a typo or twelve.  And I'm sure some of you are reading this and going, "Yea, but what do you think will fix it, Ms. Smartypants?"  I don't have all of the answers, but I do know that being involved with my children and their school and making sure that they are learning not only their ABC's but also how to love, respect, and cherish others is a start.  Learning begins at home.  I hope I'm giving my kids the best head start I can by staying at home with them while they are little.  But I don't have all the answers and all I can do is try to make sure that my children go out into the world prepared to make it a better place.  And if they can not spell?  Well, at least they will know that they CAN change the world, one mispelled wurd @ ah thyme. 

With a heart: Poetry for my babies

To the one I lost and to the one she finally became.

With a heart

With a full heart
And open, waiting arms
I welcomed you into this world.

With a heavy heart
And sad, crying eyes
I said good bye as you left.

With a joyful heart
And pink, dazzling lines
I knew you had finally come back to me.

With a grateful heart
And happy, smiling tears
I held you in my loving arms at last.

DDouble DDuty?

Wondering through the web-o-sphere like I do on occasion, I came across a very interesting photograph of a woman breastfeeding.  Duality, by Rachel Valley portrays a mother and a lover, nourishing her baby and her relationship with her partner.  At first glance, this photo may seem a bit extreme;  some even described it as "weird" and "over-the-top." 

At first I was inclined to agree that the photo was grotesque, but upon further ponderance, I began to understand the implications.  This isn't the photo of a two-headed woman (although we all know that women have it going on in the brains department) but of a woman who can be those things, in those instances, that she needs to be.  She can be mother when baby is hungry and lover when her partner hungers for her.  Beyond that, she can be woman and be comfortable in her role as such.  I really began to see the beauty of the photo, the beauty of the woman, and realized that it stirred in me a passion to be all things to all those that I love and cherish. 

I also began to wonder why Rachel Valley had decided to do this photo.  Was there a need, a niche, where a photo such as this was warranted and appreciated?  I found a link to the photo on a forum intended for women (and some men) who are breastfeeding aware and supportive, yet some of the comments were less than cheerful in attitude or favor.  Obviously the photo did not say the same thing to all people, even those who might be best equipped to understand the 'duality' of the woman and the breast. 

Then I read about a mother being discriminated against because she is breastfeeding her child in public.  The stories are astounding.  Mothers are being harassed at baseball games, at public parks, in restaurants, at the YMCA.  The list goes on and on.  These mothers are simply fulfilling their rolls as mothers,  yet they are being asked to move to the restroom or to otherwise hide the fact that they are feeding their children.  I couldn't believe that people would be so rude and hateful and thought that surely it was either ignorance on the part of a few employees, lack of training on issues regarding dealing with the public and the law, or both.  Perhaps there were a few squeaky-wheel patrons at these places who threw a tantrum because they thought they might have seen a peek of skin while the mother was latching her baby.  But as I read the comments sections of the articles, I began to see that there was an overwhelming amount of people who harbored hate for women nursing their children.  

As I read these stories, I began to realize why Duality was such a needed piece of artwork.  People in this society really do lack a true understanding of the purpose of the female breast, and of the female body in general.  We've been told that our bodies are gross.  We hear it at church, in school, from our friends, family and in magazine, on T.V. and on the Internet.  When the subject of vaginas comes up in those venues, it's usually in a strictly sexual context.  Breasts are lumped together with vaginas because they, too, can be used as avenues for sexual gratification.  The female form, in all it's incarnations, has been vilified as a sexual tool since biblical times.  Forget the fact that, since before biblical times, vaginas have been used to birth our children and breasts have been used to nourish them.  Twats 'n' boobs are simply sexual, end of story, now go and repent for even thinking about them. 

But what if we could see the beauty in both the sexual aspect of a woman's body and the wonder that is a mother growing and continuing the species?  After all, at the very basest of thinking,  babies are a product of a sexual act.  My babies, my children, are the bi-product of love and caring and an animalistic urge to nurture and grow.  Sure, sex got them started, but love and my body grew them.  My body birthed them into this world and my body gave them nourishment when they were young and vulnerable.  There was a time in history when a child who lived to the age of 5 was revered as strong and capable of carrying on an enduring blood-line.  During those times, it was common-place for women to breastfeed, so it just goes to suppose that breastfeeding helped that child survive and thrive.

Why does it have to be one or the other?  And why do breasts, and the female body, get to only be used for sexual gratification?  What if, at the very least, we all put aside our own fears, short-comings, or anxieties and showed kindness and gentleness towards the smallest and most vulnerable of our species? 

I want to close with some advice for those of you who read this and who get a bit squeamish when you see a woman (or even think about seeing her) breastfeeding her baby.  To you, I ask for just a small amount of tolerance.  When those sirens go off in your brain and your internal dialogue is screaming "WARNING SEXUAL OBJECTS BEING EXPOSED," how about just turning your head and tending to your own business?  If YOU have an issue with the mother nourishing her small and innocent child, try to use discretion with yourself and your actions and words.  And if you can not understand the woman, try at least giving some respect for the mother who is just doing with her body what nature has intended.            

Nursing in Public: Debacle of the Delusions

I've been reading a great deal lately about people who are against nursing in public (NIP).  My Facebook fanpage, NIPPA sports a few of the links and stories I have come across.  What I've found are that there are a few commonalities amongst those who find NIP offensive.  Following is an FAQ of sorts to help dispel the delusions that seem to be rampant both online and out in the real world about nursing a child in public.  I decided to address the Top 5, so as not to bore you and go into novel status here on SPM. 

1.  "No one wants to see that, so cover up."  This phrase could be applied to a plethera of public activities, but we are speaking of feeding a baby here so I'll attempt to keep on topic.  If you have ever breastfed a baby, you will know that covering is either something you do to help yourself feel comfortable or something to try and keep the baby focused on the task at hand.  Once a baby reaches a certain age, the cover generally becomes a bigger distraction than a bicycling poodle who juggles flaming torches.  I have attempted covering in public and I would rather wear a neon sign and a big fuzzy clown wig.  Besides, most breastfeeding mothers are sensible, modest women who rarely, if ever show anything and I've actually been approached with the 'awww, sleepy baby' comments while my nine-month old is actively nursing.

2.  "Can't you do that in the car (restroom, dressing room, at home, etc.)?"  Sure, I could.  But can't you also go hide in those places so you aren't offended by me breastfeeding?  Some places do have lovely nursing suites, but I've yet to see one that I would feed my pet slug in so I'll be nursing my child in arms while I'm shopping or chatting with my friends or husband.  It is 100 degrees + right now in my car and I refuse to be relegated to my home simply because my baby likes to eat and I have errands to do.  As a consumer and a citizen, I have as much right to be at the mall as the next person. 

3.  "You can pump and/or bring a bottle."  I have to take a second and clean off my screen every time I read this sentiment.  I do that snortle thing where all of my Coke gets spewed out onto the keys and the nursing baby's head.  Obviously, anyone who says this has never breastfed because what's the point?  If I'm going to spend all of my time pumping and bottling, I might as well just feed my baby formula to appease everyone else in the world.  Breastfeeding is feeding, but it is about so much more than JUST feeding.  There is bonding and soothing and nurturing that go into every nursing.  Bottle-fed babies are much the same in that they crave suckling and comfort from their feedings.  Pumping is mechanical and it is not easy to do.  I began my current nursing relationship with a cold and unfeeling pump as my baby lay in the NICU struggling to breath.  I saw other mothers who worked with their pump for hours daily to then squeeze out tiny milliliters (it takes 30 mL to make an ounce) of breastmilk.  I was fortunate in the beginning because I made nearly four times daily what my baby ate but now I could not pump an ounce if my life depended on it.

4.  "You can feed your baby at home, THEN go out in public."  This is another comment that is laughable, at best.  With that sort of logic, YOU could eat at home and THEN go out in public, saving everyone from having to see you wolf down your Mickey D's or your chai latte with tofu infused bagel.  Restaurants everywhere will be singing your praises.  Seriously, babies are surprising little creatures.  You can feed them and I'll be a rabbit in a fox pen, those little dickens are hungry again in 20 minutes.  When I picture a breastfeeding mom trying to nurse at home, race to the store, do her shopping and get back home before her babe is screeching for another feed, it calls up images of illegally parked Fed-Ex truck drivers in crop pants toting a diaper bag.  Or maybe the Gino's pizzeria delivery guys with frayed pony-tails and smeared lipstick dragging little Suzy by the arm trying desperately to be on time. 

5.  "Breasts are sexual."  Sometimes, yes they are.  But so are fingers, tongues, toes, heck even noses and ears for some people.  How dare we go exposing our sexual organs out in public.  I demand you cover up those erotic digits before I have thoughts that I can not control.  As a breastfeeding mother, I assure you that my partner and I can distinguish between the sexual use for breasts and the natural, biological use for breasts.  If you can not, or you just can't stop thinking about that mother over in the play palace at the mall sticking her BOOBS in her babies mouth, I suggest therapy with a highly-qualified shrink. 

So there you have it, my Top 5 Delusions of the Deluded, debacled and de-valued.  I dare say that I have covered all of the lunacy or that one person will ever be able to dispell all of the madness that surrounds a woman breastfeeding her infant in public, but it is what it is.  My grandmother gave me excellent advice in regards to seeing things that I don't want to see.  She told me that if something offends me, the first thing I need to do is to turn my head.  Until someone grabs your face and smooshes you into her boobs to FORCE you to watch her nourish her child, I suggest you take Nannie's good advice.  Or there's always the standard, STFU.  Your choice.

Raising the Challenging Child -Part 3 "It Really Does All Work Out in the End"

I know how difficult it can be at two in the morning when your child wants to scream because you won't get up and play with her.  That was us two nights ago as our youngest decided that she had had enough of being in bed and wanted to get up and play.  When she found she could not get up and play and that she really was tired, she wanted to nurse non-stop.  We didn't get it right;  we got frustrated and snippy with each other.  One thing that we have to remember as a parenting team is that we have to go forward and that this WILL all work out in the end.  We are just starting the Challenging Child journey with this, my fifth child, but we know that the long nights will one day lead to huge grins as we enjoy a child who is comfortable with where she is in the world. 

Child One recently graduated high school and is going to college on an athletic scholarship.  When she was a screaming, demanding infant, I never dreamed that one day she would be a well-rounded member of this family.  I do remember feeling that I had somehow failed her and I knew from that day on that I would strive to help her turn out to be all that she could be.  She has grpwn into a good person, a great basketball player, and the best big sister and daughter a family could have.  Most of the credit goes to the fact that she has decided to be a decent person, but I'd like to think that some of the time we took to help her readjust and re-enter the family as an attached member were beneficial to her sense of belonging.  Eventually, she will be entirely responsible for herself, but I would like to know that the skills she learned as a child help her in her daily life and that she can pass those on to her own family.

Child Four will be attending pre-school in the fall and we are all excited for her as she begins her school career.  Like her challenging sister before her, she is bright, precocious, intelligent, and eager to learn new things.  Unlike her sister, she has had attention and responsiveness to her needs and demands from the moment she enter the world and she will begin school with a better understanding of who she is and her place in her family and in her world.  I wish I had been able to give that to Child One from the beginning.  Even though it took us until she was in the third grade to realize how to help her grow, she turned out better than okay, more than average.  It will be interesting to see how Child Four and Five turn out.  Our first Challenging Child is setting the bar fairly high for her siblings.  Let's hope that they can all achieve their goals and live to 100% of their own potentials.     

Raising the Challenging Child -Part 2 "Coping Techniques"

Congratulations!  You have a challenging child! 

Your life will be filled with excitement and never-ending wonder.  Oh, sure, there will also be a great deal of frustration, and all that trials-and-tribulations stuff, but count yourself lucky.  Your child comes at life full-on, no need to motivate or inspire.  Those traits are inborn in the challenging child, but so are other characteristics such as high-energy, demanding, attentive, inquisitive, precocious, self-assurance, and high-drama.

So how do you cope?  How can you channel all of that energy and still keep up with the demands?  What follows are my real life experiences:  what worked, what failed miserably and made me feel like the worst parent on the planet.  I do not pretend to hold any degrees in anything, especially parenting skills or the like, but what I do possess is almost 18 years of experience as a parent of challenging children.  Additionally, I can not tell you how to raise your child and I do hold to the AP-style of parenting as a personal preference.  The following are tips based on my experiences and I do not demand that you use them or know that they are right or wrong or even the best.  You will have to learn your child and what works and what doesn't.  Parenting the challenging child, I have found, is a guessing game at the best of times and a survival technique at the worst.  You decide what works for you.


Child One was my introduction to parenting.  She came out of the womb demanding our attention and all of our time and energy.  She needed very little recharging and sleeping was sometimes a non-issue for her.  I was so exhausted that I stopped listening to the instinctual urges for parenting and started taking the advice of well-meaning friends and family.  My husband and I thought that we were failing by using a gentle approach with her and we believed Aunt Betty when she said that our child needed a firm hand.   

While we were busy trying to catch up, she was busy getting on with the next mess or the next tantrum.  Sometimes her tantrums would get so out of control that we felt like sitting on the floor and screaming right along with her.  Our frustration levels were high, and out of anger, we would spank Child One.  This seemed to work for a while, but the tantrums escalated and so the spanking escalated.  It felt wrong to spank her, but nothing seemed to work the way that all the books said it should.  Technique A had failed and I was on Technique Z and feeling like a parenting faux pas. 

As we tried harder and harder to gain control of Child One, so she tried harder and harder to have things her way.  Even when we tried lax parenting -giving in to her every whim to quiet her and console her and not doing any real discipline but allowing her to take the reigns completely- she responded with ever increasing misbehaviors.  We feared that Child One was on the short path to becoming a psychotic criminal and we had no idea how to veer the course.

One night while my husband was away on business, Child One decided that she did not want to go to bed.  By three a.m., I was an exhausted mess.  We had three children by this time and Child Three had medical and developmental issues.  I tried to force Child One into going to bed and all that did was add fuel to her fire.  I spanked her to the point of anger and felt I was losing control.  I left my children home alone that night because I could not control myself enough to parent them properly.  It was the bottom for me;  the lowest of lows was achieved that night and I think it was a turning point in my parenting career.

The next day, I called and got us in family counseling.  Child One was also diagnosed with an entire alphabet of abbreviations from ADHD to ODD to OCD to SID.  One of the diagnoses that stood out in my mind was Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).  Basically, when Child One was born, she did not become attached to anyone and was feeling like she was just floating along all alone in the big, old, sufficating world.  We knew she could form relationships, but we also knew that she treated those relationships as fleeting and worthless, depending on her mood. 

She did not fit all of the RAD profile, but Child One did seem unattached to anyone in particular so we decided to help her get attached.  By then, the internet was up and running, so I did a search on 'attachment' and I ran across information about Dr. and Mrs. Sears and their Attachment Parenting theories.  They were saying to parent from instinct and from your heart.  If what you were doing did not feel right or if you were miserable, change what you were doing so that everyone felt like they were doing the right thing.  To put it simply, they were saying to parent like you would want to be parented and to keep things simple and easy.  Additionally, Child One needed to be re-attached or bonded to her primary caregivers so that she could form a trusting relationship and be able to give a little instead of taking all. 

But I knew that my child was not simple or easy.  She was demanding and high-energy and hyperactive.  I had tried using gentle parenting techniques and she responded by trampling on me like a doormat.  At this time, we were also involved in parenting classes and family therapy.  I ran the 'parent from your gut' and the re-attchment ideas by one of the therapists and he said it felt like a great idea and to give it a try.  What did I have to lose?

So, we gave it a shot.  And guess what?  She responded positively and made incredible strides towards becoming a more patient and calmer child.  Child One was needing us to show her that we trusted her in order for her to trust us.  We had come at parenting with the 'I am the boss and you have to mind me or else' attitude and had felt like a mere child was manipulating and controlling us.  It was the battle for control -on our part to control the child and on hers to control her surroundings- that nearly lost us in a parent vs. child struggle.  Following are the steps we took to help our daughter bond with us and then help us parent her in a less controlling but more effective way.

Love the child and show love.  This was and is a difficult thing for me because I was raised in a totalitarian household where the father was the supreme ruler and he showed little if no affection.  The mother was supposed to show the children the affection, but our mother was never shown much affection and did not know how to be geniuine in her attempts at showing love.  It was also difficult because we had had years of a bruised and battered relationship with Child One and we were going into this ordeal with baggage.  We loved her, but we had difficulty showing love and she had difficulty accepting it.  What finally worked was to view her as a child and nothing more.  She was not a sum of her actions or her behaviors, she was a child who deserved and deperately needed love. 

Become an active parent.  Parenting from the sofa never did us any good.  Yelling, screaming, and hitting are not the activities one needs to initiate, and usually get the opposite of the desired result.  Instead, go to your child and participate.  Remember when I said I felt like dropping to the floor and having a tantrum with my child?  Well, I did that one day at a very crowded mall and my then 11 year old Child One was mortified.  There were no more tantrums from any of them in the store!  I had shown them that I was not beyond participating in the situation in order to get them to understand my side, too. 

In addition, I became involved in all of the aspects of my children's lives.  I started volunteering at school and became a Girl Scout Leader.  I let my kids see that what they did and what they cared for was important and that I wanted to be a part of it. 

Control the situation, not the child.  You can keep the situation from getting dangerous or out of hand.  We learned a wonderful parenting skill called 'redirection' and used it to help Child One see that sometimes things could not be controlled and so we changed how we reacted or what we were doing to make us feel better.  Redirection works for busy toddlers who are deconstructing an entire room in thirty seconds and for teenagers who are having drama melt-downs at the speed of sound.  If little Billy is using his Tonka truck for a battering ram against your new T.V., it's easier and more effective to give him something else to channel his energies instead of trying to make him stop doing what he's doing without giving him an alternative.  Before long, Billy is back at misbehaving because the situation was not changed and his need for releasing his feelings was not met. 

Learn your child and their behaviors.  In your efforts to control the situation, you must also try to learn what your child is really trying to say or accomplish.  Watch your child and their behaviors and try to figure out what she's really asking for.  A melt-down in Wal-Mart occurs because you said no when your child wanted an oil filter wrench (yes, this happened!) may not mean that your child is wanting obscure car tools.  It may be that she's wanting something but can not put in to words what she needs.  Maybe it's attention, a nap, something to eat.  By observing her behaviors and seeing what she responds to during certain situations, you can begin to learn to read the signs and get a feeling for what she's trying to tell you when the words (or actions) do not necessarily mirror the situation.

Forego control.  Control is an illusion.  We can only control our own reactions to certain things, people, places, and situations.  Attemping to garner control over your challenging child will eventually lead to a battle of wills and puts you in the position of totalitarian parent mentioned above. 

Change the situation, not the child.  As I've mentioned before, you can only control your reactions so why not try to set yourself up to react positively?  If little Billy is doing something you do not like, give him something else to do.  You can be the judge of when the situation is getting out of hand and needs changing or when it's time for your challenging child to start being able to maneuver through a situation enough to turn it into a positive event.  Redirection is the key to calmer parents and more satisfied challenging children because they seem to thrive on moving and doing and get bored easily.  More often than not, I've found that my children misbehave because they are bored and not because they are simply trying to be bad or get more attention.  And giving them something else to do does not have to be a major production.  Just give them a safe toy if they are playing with something that you would rather they not play with.  In extreme cases, you might want to move to a new locale, but my challenging children usually become more at ease with small and simply changes and larger changes may set them up for another tantrum.

Remember the KISS method.  My dad taught me the KISS method.  Keep IT Simple, Silly.  Remembering this has saved me a mint on frustration and energy.  When my challenging child seems to be running in circles and demanding my time and energy and I am trying to engage in something else, I think 'what would be the easiest way to get both of our needs met?'  Elaborate games or frilly toys never seemed to hold my child's attention and were usually a waste of time, effort and money.  If I am in the kitchen needing to cook supper and Child One was berating her sister and knocking over furniture, I simply asked her if she would like to cook the supper.  Then, I chose something that she could either prepare solely or with minimal help and that is what we ate for supper.  Even toddlers and babies can 'help' in the kitchen as long as they are given a safe place and their own age-appropriate equipment. 

Be willing to change.  I once told a mommy friend of mine that I was so flexible that Elastigirl (from The Incredibles) has nothing on me.  Isn't it funny that Elastigirl became the care-worn housewife, trying to cope with the increasing and ever changing demands of the modern family?  She was flexible and she knew how to change to meet the situation. 

What worked today (or 30 minutes ago) may not work again.  In addition to flexibility and simplicity, you are going to need to be creative.  Defusing a situation with one solution may be a full-time fix or it may be that you got lucky and that fix was a one-off.  Realize that your challenging child is an ever changing child and what worked on the tantrum o' the moment earlier in the day may not work again, ever, or it may just need to go back into your bag of tricks and wait to be recycled on another occasion.

Stop the seriousness.  Parenting is not a job to be taken lightly, but it never hurts to lighten up.  My kids and I have "Silly Sessions" where we just act silly for a little bit.  These are especially helpful when you are attempting to de-stress a situation. 

Just breathe.  I used to hate the "this too shall pass" advice but I'm beginning to find out that it does.  And de-stressing is a great way for you to help your challenging child see that you are taking things a little easier.  When you are aggitated or aggrivated, you send your child a message and he will most likely begin to mimick your behavior.  I've found that the most stressful situations are eased when mommy starts a giggle fest.  Laughing is a great de-stressor and I have been so close to a personal breakdown that laughing seemed like the craziest AND most sane thing to do at the time.  And, you guessed it, it worked like a charm and the rest of the situation went more smoothly.  It also seems to be a domino effect.  De-stressing during one situation or event helps to make the rest of the day go better and everyone seems a bit happier at what they are doing. 

Coming up next, Raising the Challenging Child -Part 3 "It Really Does All Work Out in the End"