A Word From Your Queen!

Hi!  Millie here.  My mom has so generously invited me to be a guest on the blog today.  Ok, maybe 'invite' is too strong a word.  She's in there 'cooking' something she likes to call lunch, so I've got a few.  And may I say a big THANK YOU to Google Translator because, WOW, this woman types in gibberish!

Anyway, I wanted to share a little about what it's like to be 2, from someone who knows the dealio.  See, I've been 2 for four whole months now and I've been acting like I'm 2 for quite a bit longer (like, 8 months AT LEAST).  No one really gets it, so I thought I'd give a few pointers.  Here goes!  (Dontchya LOVE the title???)

1.  My way or...is there another way.

Do we really need to discuss this?  I mean, seriously, why can't you just GIVE me the knife and the markers and let me decide when it's inappropriate and where.  You call that the 'good sofa?'  I've seen better furniture on the curb being peed on by a dog, lady.  All it needs is some decoration and a few holes cut in it an voila, you've got yourself a work of art!

2.  I wanted it YESTERDAY.

Back to the markers, why didn't you give them to me already?  I mean, I've been screaming at you for at LEAST 13 seconds and I said as plain as day, "GIVE ME MARKERS NOW!!!!"  Do you have hearing issues or are you just really old and slow?

3.  What?  I don't want THAT now!

Ooops, too slow.  You took too long, I was SO over the markers like, 4 seconds ago.  Get with the program, I am now after the spray bottle of spot remover.  NO, I don't want to clean up the sofa, are you insane?  I just want to go remove the spots from Spot.  You know, the dog.  He and I have to go poop on the floor later and I really don't wanna be seen with him and those darn spots of his!  They clash.

4.  Go to sleep?????

Sleep is for the weak and old (obviously because my mom does a LOT of it!).  THREE HOURS???!?!?!?!?!?!  Are you kidding?  I can recharge in 15 minutes and I'm ready for some trash trawling or some cabinet excavation.  Really, you people would think that sleep is a vital part of life or something.  Why are you so darn tired, anyway?  I mean, all you do is follow me around all day, surely you're not THAT out of shape!

So, I've kept it short and sweet 'cause the woman keeps looking around and asking why I'm being so quiet.  Gaw, I try to be good for once and she suspects something!  Just as a last note of importance:  THE CARSEAT HAS SPIKES IN IT.  Check that out, it hurts to sit in that thing unless you turn the DVD player on, give me candy, and act like a lunatic singing "Let's go for a ride."  I think that turns the little spike thingy off....

Why don't you just leave???

***EDIT:  I had the settings on this blog set to "Adult Content."  I changed them because I feel that when you open up an internet page, you are opening yourself up to what is on that page.  YOU are taking the risk and therefore, YOU need to be responsible for filtering out what YOU don't want to see.  Same goes for life:  Don't like it, don't look.  If I get myself in a situation I'd rather not be in, removing myself from the situation usually alleviates the stress for me.  However, I'm not stressed about posting my breastfeeding photos, so therefore, I won't be leaving!  And as for children and what they see on the net, that is for THEIR OWN PARENTS to discuss and limit, not me.  Happy Reading!***


That's the question of the hour, it seems, especially over on the FB Stop Harassing Kwasnica and ALL Breastfeeding Women page on Facebook.  So, why don't I just leave Facebook, start my own site where all breastfeeding photos and discussions are welcomed, with like-minded individuals who aren't offended by the site of babies sucking on breasts?  Call it "Faceboob" and have at whipping our tits around and showing off the repulsiveness of a baby eating on our own page.  Why shouldn't I just gather up my militant breastfeeding posse and hitch it on over to our own site?  Why?

Let me tell you why.

Because I don't want to.  Facebook is the third largest community IN THE WORLD and I want to be a part of the community.  I want to share on Facebook and connect with friends and family.  On Facebook, I have access to a treasure trove of information on subjects OTHER than breastfeeding that I enjoy such as Crochet,     Natural Parenting, and some happy little venting about parenting, complete with crappy pictures, not to mention my slight obsession with The Earth's Children book series and all fan-atic stuffs therein!  Facebook is where I learn, connect, write, share, and most of all, where I go to help women breastfeed.

I've met many people online and have a contact base that includes people from all walks of life.  They know that if they need advice on breastfeeding, I'm open to sharing and passing on information.  They can see my pride and acceptance of breastfeeding and breastfeeding full-term in the pictures I post of my children nursing.    Sure, we could meet up elsewhere, but why should we 'get off the bus' if we aren't the ones who are having an issue?

There is a policy on Facebook in regards to uploading breastfeeding pictures.  While it is a bit vague, it does set some guidelines for posting and viewing of the photos and even states that Facebook follows the same guidelines as print and television media.  They've even changed up the words a bit to include 'child' and not just 'baby.'  They say they won't take action on the photos that are compliant, but as can be seen on Jodine Chase's blog posts detailing further deletions of breastfeeding photos, Facebook isn't exactly following their own rules.

My question to those asking me to leave is this:  Who should leave?  If you are uncomfortable with the photos, shouldn't you leave?  Maybe not Facebook, but leave the area/forum/page in which they are posted?  I've asked my friends and family to either unfriend or hide my posts instead of reporting and I had 9 lost friends (and who knows how many just hid me) that day.  They knew that I wasn't going to lighten up on the issue and that they didn't want to see my photos, so they took their own comfort into consideration and removed themselves from the situation.  Again, I'm not suggesting you leave Facebook, but removing the chances that you might see the images, and therefore, be offended, isn't a bad idea, either.  I don't really like house pets, so I don't go to house pet pages or forums.  See, easy!

Honestly, I don't believe anyone should leave, not even the 'trolls' or 'haters.'  I believe that the more people see breastfeeding, whether it be in person or via photos on Facebook, the more people will accept breastfeeding.  It won't be cool to tell me how gross or vile or useless breastfeeding is anymore, because it will be the minority opinion.  And once you truly consider that breastfeeding is feeding a child, how can you even think of it as gross?  It's a child, a baby, a toddler, a CHILD.  Eating.  Being sweet and cute and just being!

There are choices to be made in this world.  I am free to leave or stay on Facebook.  You are free to look at the photos or not.  Your choice!

I've made a vow with myself to be nice during this and to give information as well as my opinion without spewing hate or words that will make others value themselves or their opinions less.  I'm trying and I will continue to try.  I hope I  can inspire some of you, whether you like the photos or not, to try, too.

Love,
Jen (who isn't going anywhere!)

Can YOU Tell Who's Breastfeeding?

I've gone to the grocery, to the mall, to the doctor's office and breastfed.  I've breastfed at basketball games, at graduations, funerals and weddings.  And 95% of the time, NO ONE EVEN KNEW.  "Oh, look at that sleeping baby!"  Nope, not sleeping, NURSING.  BREASTFEEDING!  Seriously, you should see the looks of shock I get when touchy-feely strangers wanna take a peek at the 'sleeping baby' only to find that she's actually nursing.  Can you spot the nursing pictures below?  Is she nursing or just sleeping?  Hmmmm....

In ALL of the pictures EXCEPT THE LAST ONE, the baby IS NOT NURSING.  The last picture was taken on the DART in Dallas, May 2010 and I am in fact nursing 9 month old Millie.  :)

If you'd like to share your pictures, and let others see if they can spot the breastfeeding (or not breastfeeding) baby, e-mail to rickkater2 at yahoo dot com.  Here's a link, if your device is enabled rickkater2@yahoo.com Please include written permission for me to use your photo and any other info you'd like published (or not!)  

***We've had a couple of ladies want to share, so here goes!***

Paulina nursing her babe at a yoga class, or is she?  :)

Here are a few more pictures that Paulina wanted to share.  Can you tell whether she's breastfeeding or not???

And a final share from Natalia.  Obviously, she's breastfeeding (or is she????).   This was too cute not to share!  WTG Natalia for BREASTFEEDING TWINS!  You go, girls ;)  

So You Ask Yourself, Why?

Why is that child still nursing?

Or maybe,

Why did her mother choose to share that on the internet?

Millie, 26.5 months

No doubt, if you're on Facebook, a friend of a friend of a friend (or maybe someone closer) has posted about recent removals of pictures like the one above.  In fact, the one above was removed from Facebook, just last night, for 'violating the terms of service' with a picture that contains 'nudity.'  Seems they changed their tune from last warning, that said my picture was 'sexual in nature.'  

I'm not the only one who has had photos deleted, as is attested by such groups as Fb!  Stop Harassing Kwasnica and All Breastfeeding Women .  Another group, FB Unblock Danelle Frisbie! Enough is Enough, was created because a woman was blocked from use for posting content in support of another who was banned for posting photos.  Round and round we go, where we stop, only the Facebook gods know?

  

So why is that kid still nursing?  Well, she's 2 and she's a picky eater.  She likes to nurse and it gives her comfort.  Those are the short answers, but as you can see in this Kellymom.com posting, the benefits to her and to me are numerous.  For one, kids who are breastfed at any age have less significant illness than their formula-fed peers.  They also score higher on tests and have more nutritionally complete diets.  Moms, well we get a lowered risk of getting ovarian cancer and protection against osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis. 

As for comfort, if you are a parent or know one with a toddler, you realize that High Drama can ensue at any given moment.  Forget Hollywood Divas, because that cutie up there in that picture, she's got them all beat hands down.  Her tantrums can last a while, cause disruption to the family (and others when out in public) and can even be painful with all the flailing and limp-noodling.  The easy solution:  give her ninny (what we call breastfeeding around here.)  It shuts down the tantrum NOW because, well, she can't scream with a boob in her mouth and she's getting the attention she needs and wants.

Now, I will try to briefly go into why I share my breastfeeding images online.  

If you are exposed to a thing, it is easier to understand it.  And by that, I don't mean you being exposed to my boob.  I mean the breastfeeding experience, and not just with young babies, although that's where this thing usually starts.  

I mean, seeing women breastfeeding, everywhere, when and how they want.  People in other countries see this all the time, and no one bats an eye.  Here in the good ol' US of A, we don't and we are usually caught off guard when a mother breastfeeds in public because the rate of babies exclusively breastfeed at 3 months is about 45% and at 6 months that rate drops to about 25%.  Look at babies over 12 months old, and the average drops down to around 5%.  The average weaning age, world-wide is about 4.2 years and natural weaning isn't shown to occur until at least 2.5 years in humans. 

In some places, breast milk is the only clean or readily available food, but here we have good old chicken nuggets and fries.  But the latter aren't healthy or nutritionally complete, like breast milk, even though a picky toddler might actually eat the nuggets and fries for her tired parents.  

And breast milk helps keep children hydrated, especially after tonsillectomies, which we experienced last month.  Millie wouldn't drink or eat, but she would nurse and that sped her recovery up dramatically.  Instead of the usual 5-7 days recovery, she was FULL STEAM at about 45 hours post-op.

So, without further ado (I could go on and on and on), I am going to continue to show that nursing aka BREASTfeeding is natural, normal, loving, and something people should see on a daily basis.  

Millie, 2 months

Millie 3 months

Millie 6 months

On the DART in Dallas, TX (9 mos)

Millie 20 months

Millie 23 months

On a Hike (13 months)

When?

When will I be whole again?

When will I pick myself up?

When does this end?

When?

I'm tired.  Bone-achingly tired.  My eyes are parched and my soul is withered.  Isn't it enough?  When does it stop?  Just when I think I'm better, the anger creeps back in.  I'm not me, I'm some raving, angered, screaming ball of nothing inside.  The worthlessness and the pain, they come in and beat me upside my head, then leave me wondering who the hell did all of that.  I want the ride to stop I want to get off.  I want to be who I was then.  One thousand, six hundred and nine days ago.  Back when I knew bliss and I took it for granted.  I want to be her, looking at the other possible realities and thinking, 'Hmmm, unlucky her.'  This rock on my chest doesn't help me float.

I want to go outside and scream it.  I miss you.  I need you.  I haven't forgotten you.  Not for one of the 8335872000 seconds since I was happy with you.  I feel like it's that next day, 1608 days ago.  That's how raw it all is.  I am frozen right there, losing you every day, over and over again.  All the smiles, the tears, the love, the laughter, the raging hormones of a teenager, more love, leaving me and coming back again.  You'd walk out that door and you'd come back.  You would.  I walked out that door, and I'm never, ever coming back.  Not who I was, not anymore.  I left with you.

And so, she's 2.

That was fast.  It felt like the pregnancy was longer than that.  Actually, if you count the trying, the loss of Zoe, more trying and then the bed rest, it was just over 3 years waiting on Amelia to get here.  And now she's 2 and all that goes along with being 2.  She's a right handful, running and going until I throw my hands up and just sit back and watch.  I'm more worn out now than I was during the no-sleep infant stage.  She's definitely a live-wire kinda girl!

She's also still nursing.  I, personally, can't believe we made it past the first 6 weeks of nipple shields, supplemental nursing systems, bottles (thank you, NICU) and latch issues.  Then there was over supply and overactive letdown.  Next, we battled a dip in supply as my cycles returned and I had surgery.  By the time Millie was one, we'd had thrush, plugged ducts, and more latch issues after her torticollis was corrected and then her first teeth came in.

Our struggles didn't end there, either.  Starting the second year of nursing felt like a chore and I contemplated weaning on more than a few occasions.  We did eventually night wean around 18 months and by then we weren't bed sharing any more.  I still sleep very close to her or neither one of us sleeps well, but it's easier to convince an active toddler that you are NOT an all night diner if your boobs aren't right there in her face.  We are practicing our own form of 'don't offer, don't refuse' but I don't feel like that's weaning as much as it's me just following her verbal cues now that she can use words for things she needs.

Just to clarify, I don't have thoughts of weaning because of outside pressures, but they sure don't help!  I can tell by the look in a persons' eyes when they are going to launch into the 'when will you wean' monologue.  Actually, I've become fairly adept at the shift and shift.  It's where I shift around in my set and look uncomfortable while I try to shift the conversation onto something else.  As difficult as it is for others to comprehend why we are still nursing, it is equally difficult for me to comprehend why it is anyone else's business.  But I try to be diplomatic, for the cause, and inform or educate or just side-track.  Depends on who they are and how much of my time and energy I'd like to invest.

Most days I just feel touched out and over extended on parenting.  It's difficult to find other things to redirect her into doing so that we can head off the 'ninny, peas' and the puppy dog eyes, especially when I'm exhausted from chasing her around all day.  Then there's her allergies which have caused her to change form in nursing.  Now, she nurses with her teeth clamped to my nipple so that it doesn't go anywhere and she can take a few suckles and then breath.  I know it's not her fault, but even when her nose is clear, this is how she nurses.  I think she may have forgotten how to latch correctly but she's not quite ready to let it all go.  And so my nipples have little holes in them, my breasts are covered in snot, and my shirt is hiked over my head so that she has plenty of 'breathing room.'

So, she's 2.  I know the tone of this is less than happy, but right now, on this dreary day, I'm feeling a bit less than happy.  I wanted to savor it;  really suck in all of the baby goodness and enjoy the last.  The reality of the whole thing is that it flew by, just as it did with the others.  She's never been an easy child, so there has been little time for sitting back and soaking it up.  It's been more of a 'get on this damn train now 'cause it's heading outta hear at 100 mph and it ain't lookin' back' kind of 2 years for us.

We couldn't be more in love with a child, but we also have never been challenged like this before.  She's smart, she's high-energy, and she's so alive that everyone who sees her KNOWS that she will wear you out before she even gets started!  They see the exhausted but loving expressions on our faces when we watch her go.  Oh, she's one of those kids.  Yup.  She is and she's here and she's ours.  And, wow!  She's 2 already.  I'd better start planning her wedding now because as fast as she goes, it'll be here before you know it! 

Amelia, 9/17/09 in the NICU with Daddy

Amelia (in the foreground) 9/13/11 at the Zoo with her big sister

Something's Missing...

We just moved into our new home.  It's a beautiful home: 2600 square feet, four bedrooms, two bathrooms.  I am in love with it and the neighborhood.  Moving has been the usual stress, compounded by the fact that the average temperature was over 100 degrees.  There have been a few hiccups along the way and the usual expenses, but we managed okay.  We've moved the furniture, our personal belongings, some junk and gone back to the old place a few times just to make sure we got everything.

I have been busy unpacking as well.  I feel like I've got the house in fairly good working order.  There are a few boxes that still need to be unpacked and Bill hasn't gotten the stereo or computer situated, but he will.  I've wondered around the last few days looking to see what doesn't fit or is out of place.  I've moved things around and then moved some of them back.  Things look great, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't in it's place.

And then I found it.  The box.  It was in it's usual place, at least, in the place I've kept it since I had Bill make it.  Under the passenger's seat in the Suburban.  I've known it's there for the last four years but it startled me this morning to find it as I was vacuuming out the truck.  The tears immediately came.  I had to go in and get a drink of water and sit down.

Then, I had to look inside of the box.  You see, I haven't looked in that box since the day I put all of the contents inside and put it under the passenger seat.  I wanted it with me, watching over me, no matter where I went.  We agreed that we'd bury it when we got a home of our own.  As I pulled it out, the lid toppled off and I HAD to look inside.  Everything was just the same:  little green booties, hat, mitts;  forms and paperwork from the hospital and a couple of hospital bracelets;  two ultrasound pictures and two pregnancy test strips with + signs.  All the things in this world that I have to prove that one day in late May, 2007, I lost my precious baby.

I'm going to bury that box in my new yard.  She will be out there, watching her sisters and their new home.  She will be out there and we will be in here.  The family that will never be complete, who will always have something missing because SOMEONE is missing.  Zoe Evelyn will be forever waiting until the rest of us no longer need an Earthly home and we can join her, in her home, out there.