There's Something About Toddlerhood

Yesterday, I fell off of the Peaceful Parenting bandwagon.  I yelled at my 21 month old.  It was a long and tiring day and after nursing her several times and being used as a trampoline, a spring board, and a cuddly lovey most of the day, I was touched out.  She is at the stage where run-by nursing and on-demand EVERYTHING are the flavors of the moment.  My husband, bless him, is of little use when she wants MAMAMAMAMA.  So, I yelled at her.

I felt awful.  I berated myself.  I moved on.  I ran back up to the AP wagon and said, in my most humble and GENTLE in-door voice, "May I please get back on?"  Because I'm a good parent!  I am also human and I have 5 other children (and one 'grown' child) and a husband and all of the responsibilities that come along with that PLUS house hunting and physical therapy for my back and worrying about my aging grandmother and .....  My life is NOT low maintenance and stress free.  Somethings, sometimes, have to give.

Attachment parenting a child is a wonderful experience.  However, parenting a toddler sometimes falls outside of the 'attachment' zone.  There are days, hours, moments that I really do not want to be in the vicinity of the once lovely but now having a mini mervous breakdown little girl that calls me MAAAAAAMMMMAAA at the absolute top of her voice.  When toys are being flung at random around the room like a lawn sprinkler and the only sound I hear is the ear splitting scream of "MIIIIIIINNNNNEEEE" even when she stopped yelling it 3 minutes ago.   I want to run and hide when she grabs and paws at my shirt and my breast, demanding "ninny" right now and for the next hour or whenever she decides that I can put them away.  There are times I'd really love it to be just me, and maybe my husband, without her needing to 'hugga me' every 30 seconds when her sister takes her toy back that toddlerzilla so swiftly, and LOUDLY stold in the first place.

I really do not want to be attached to the octopus on speed, especially not when that octopus has my tender breast in her razor-loaded mouth!  I swear, she flails so fast and so much that her 4 appendages become 234 as she simultaneously hits, pokes, jabs, kicks, and bites me.  Just when I think I've got that kicking leg tied down, here comes the jabbing finger.  And there are 10 of those!  I feel outnumbered.

And a sling.  Bwahahahahaha.  I've never seen a funnier word.  I always suggest babywearing to green mamas struggling with their newly born cling-ons, but try putting Octotoddler into a sling.  The only thing you'll get out of that one is a busted lip and a contraption strapped to your back that is very reminiscent of a straight jacket.  The wrap is bad, the ring sling is useless, and the mai-tai becomes the hangman's noose when flail-o-toddler gets within 10 feet of it.  I've never in my life been more flustered that the few times I've actually gone out on a limb and prayed for her to go in the carrier and give me some peace.  Did I mention physical therapy on my back.  Yea.

Yet, there has to be something about toddlerhood.  Something that makes us go back and do it again (and in my case, again and again, and again...infinity!)  There has to be something redeeming about toddlers.  Some wonderous, magical thing.  It's the markers on the wall just after you've cleaned them?  No.  Oh, I know, it's the food fling fest and constant bathing afterwards?  Urm...well.  The screaming?  Demanding?  Melt-downs in public?  Innocently repeated curse words at grandma's?  The refusal to wear clothing, especially clothing appropriate to the season?  Help me out here.

Good thing humans don't eat their young and that those young are so cute and lovable.  Because she would have been served up on pasta LONG ago.  :) 

-Jen

Upcycled Diapers Tutorial

Just a small disclaimer to start.  I am NOT a seamstress!  These were done based off of a pattern on With A Tangled Skein and I modified it to a "T" pattern that fits my baby better.  You might find her tutorial to be more complete or easier to follow.  This is my first tutorial, so if you see anything amiss, please let me know!  Now, on with Upcycled Diapers!

The Pants

 

 I brought these home in anticipation of making diapers out of them, but my kids thought otherwise!  It does give you a perspective of how big the pants are (4X) so that you don't go thinkin' you can make 3 dipes out of a pair of regular jogging pants. 

Here are the pants laid out in preparation of the first cut!  They are jogging pants from a local retailer, clearance price of $1.50.  So, with 10% tax, that's $1.65 for the pair.  You can use a sweat shirt, but you'll only get 1 diaper from a large sized shirt.

First, I cut the waist band off.

Second, I cut the seams apart so that I had 2 pieces that looked like this.

Next, I found a diaper that I had made previously that I liked.  At first, I made the preflats as mentioned above, but they didn't fit well, so I modified them into a "T" shape. 

I tried several configurations and finally managed to get 3 diapers out of the material!  You'll need to draw your diapers a bit larger than actual fit in order to figure in seam allowances. 

After you've drawn all your diaper shapes (you can draw on front side or back side because it will all get covered once you sew), place the cut out shapes onto the other larger piece of material RIGHT SIDES TOGETHER and draw the outlines.  This time, you can draw the exact shape because you've already built in your seam allowances. 

Cut out the second set of diapers. 


















Put the originals RIGHT SIDES TOGETHER and sew around the edges using a 1/4" seam allowance and a zigzag stitch.  Be sure to leave a small opening in the short end of the diaper for turning the fabric.  You will want to use a smaller zigzag, but not too small so that the material doesn't bunch.   

Trim up your edges and snip notches along corners and bends.  It's important to have neat and close edges!

Turn your diaper right side out.

Next, make sure all corners and edges of the diaper are fully turned out.  Fold under the open space along the short end and sew together using a very narrow straight stitch. 

Finally, sew around the perimeter of the diaper with a larger zigzag stitch and using about a 1/2" seam.

You could put more layers together, but these diapers work great as 2 layers with a liner and a wool cover. 

And just one more of the gorgeous model, helping mama make the diapers:

Call the Spell Check Police...

I just couldn't let this go. 

The other day on one of the social networking sites that I am on, someone posted about a friend who was excited to be going to college.  That friend had misspelled several words in her original post, including the word 'college.'  Several people went on to poke fun at the original poster and her obvious lack of intelligence.  They also questioned her ability to learn and her place in a facility of higher education.

Several people said (paraphrase) that colleges let anyone and everyone in and not everyone should be allowed to seek a college education.  That made me fuming mad.  How dare they say something so demeaning of others?  Have we become so elitist that we would deny the freedom to better our station to those of us that we deem unworthy?

I am the parent of a child who was labelled 'learning disabled' at a very young age.  We were told she'd be 'average at best' and not to expect her to be accepted into college.  Well, guess what?  She's going to college and she's better than average.  She's been given a chance to succeed even though there were those around her who would see her just survive.  She can better herself and her world, even though she could not read much beyond preschool level when she was in the fourth grade.

A couple of days passed, and I just couldn't let this go.  It's amazing to me that, in the land of the free and the brave, we have other people willing to say that not everyone deserves the same chances as everyone else.  I agree that not everyone WILL go to college.  Some simply do not care to and others who want to will not get the chance because they feel that a college education is out of their reach financially.  Others who want to go may feel that they are constrained by life circumstances (family, children, job) and  can not commit to spending time to get a higher education.  Still, it's encouraging to know that the doors to knowledge are flung wide for those willing to pursue education beyond high school.  

So how dare someone insinuate that simply because another has some spelling errors in a post online that that person is not worthy of education?  If that person truly can not spell some words, perhaps the best thing for her would be to go to a place of higher learning and to be challenged to learn to spell correctly.  Would we deny her that opportunity in order to keep her ignorant?  Why?  It seems to me that educating our citizens to the highest of their capabilities would be a boon for our society.  The more people we educate, the more mind power we have to care for and grow our society properly.  This is the land of opportunity, of free-markets and freedom from tyranny and oppression.  Isn't it?   

There was also accusation of public school failure in the responses.  I'll give ya that the public education system in this country needs a redo.  If only we could backspace and delete over some of the stuff that DOESN'T work (No Child Left Behind), and insert smaller classroom sizes, more teachers, better facilities.  Things that do work and do foster better learning in our children. 

We also need to re-insert the parents and other caregivers into the equation.  It seems that schools have become a 13 year (or longer) on-going daycare facility.  Parents can just drop their kids off and go to work.  Easy.  Peasy.  Then, the kids get home and mommy and daddy are still at work, so they do what they will until their exhausted parents come home and feed them some fast food and send them to bed.  People, we've got to get back in the parenting business.  Working for a living is a reality, but so is the need for parent interaction.  I've heard it time and time again:  Teachers aren't teaching our kids the 3 R's, they are teaching them social skills and basic behavior skills and manners.  Things that should be taught and reinforced at home.

And speaking of teaching at home, some people think that home schooling is the answer.  I guess that would be the epitome of parent involvement, but homeschoolers seem to think that a complete 'check out' of the system is in order.  We can not fix something that is broken by ignoring it.  If a natural gas line on my property breaks and leaks natural gas into the air, I can't just go on about my day ignoring it.  Eventually, the neighborhood will be on fire.  So how is keeping our kids away from public schools, and therefore society, going to help us fix the public school system or society itself?  Someday, those kids will have to be integrated back into society if they want to live and flourish in that society. 

I'm sure some of you will read this and find a typo or twelve.  And I'm sure some of you are reading this and going, "Yea, but what do you think will fix it, Ms. Smartypants?"  I don't have all of the answers, but I do know that being involved with my children and their school and making sure that they are learning not only their ABC's but also how to love, respect, and cherish others is a start.  Learning begins at home.  I hope I'm giving my kids the best head start I can by staying at home with them while they are little.  But I don't have all the answers and all I can do is try to make sure that my children go out into the world prepared to make it a better place.  And if they can not spell?  Well, at least they will know that they CAN change the world, one mispelled wurd @ ah thyme. 

With a heart: Poetry for my babies

To the one I lost and to the one she finally became.

With a heart

With a full heart
And open, waiting arms
I welcomed you into this world.

With a heavy heart
And sad, crying eyes
I said good bye as you left.

With a joyful heart
And pink, dazzling lines
I knew you had finally come back to me.

With a grateful heart
And happy, smiling tears
I held you in my loving arms at last.

DDouble DDuty?

Wondering through the web-o-sphere like I do on occasion, I came across a very interesting photograph of a woman breastfeeding.  Duality, by Rachel Valley portrays a mother and a lover, nourishing her baby and her relationship with her partner.  At first glance, this photo may seem a bit extreme;  some even described it as "weird" and "over-the-top." 

At first I was inclined to agree that the photo was grotesque, but upon further ponderance, I began to understand the implications.  This isn't the photo of a two-headed woman (although we all know that women have it going on in the brains department) but of a woman who can be those things, in those instances, that she needs to be.  She can be mother when baby is hungry and lover when her partner hungers for her.  Beyond that, she can be woman and be comfortable in her role as such.  I really began to see the beauty of the photo, the beauty of the woman, and realized that it stirred in me a passion to be all things to all those that I love and cherish. 

I also began to wonder why Rachel Valley had decided to do this photo.  Was there a need, a niche, where a photo such as this was warranted and appreciated?  I found a link to the photo on a forum intended for women (and some men) who are breastfeeding aware and supportive, yet some of the comments were less than cheerful in attitude or favor.  Obviously the photo did not say the same thing to all people, even those who might be best equipped to understand the 'duality' of the woman and the breast. 

Then I read about a mother being discriminated against because she is breastfeeding her child in public.  The stories are astounding.  Mothers are being harassed at baseball games, at public parks, in restaurants, at the YMCA.  The list goes on and on.  These mothers are simply fulfilling their rolls as mothers,  yet they are being asked to move to the restroom or to otherwise hide the fact that they are feeding their children.  I couldn't believe that people would be so rude and hateful and thought that surely it was either ignorance on the part of a few employees, lack of training on issues regarding dealing with the public and the law, or both.  Perhaps there were a few squeaky-wheel patrons at these places who threw a tantrum because they thought they might have seen a peek of skin while the mother was latching her baby.  But as I read the comments sections of the articles, I began to see that there was an overwhelming amount of people who harbored hate for women nursing their children.  

As I read these stories, I began to realize why Duality was such a needed piece of artwork.  People in this society really do lack a true understanding of the purpose of the female breast, and of the female body in general.  We've been told that our bodies are gross.  We hear it at church, in school, from our friends, family and in magazine, on T.V. and on the Internet.  When the subject of vaginas comes up in those venues, it's usually in a strictly sexual context.  Breasts are lumped together with vaginas because they, too, can be used as avenues for sexual gratification.  The female form, in all it's incarnations, has been vilified as a sexual tool since biblical times.  Forget the fact that, since before biblical times, vaginas have been used to birth our children and breasts have been used to nourish them.  Twats 'n' boobs are simply sexual, end of story, now go and repent for even thinking about them. 

But what if we could see the beauty in both the sexual aspect of a woman's body and the wonder that is a mother growing and continuing the species?  After all, at the very basest of thinking,  babies are a product of a sexual act.  My babies, my children, are the bi-product of love and caring and an animalistic urge to nurture and grow.  Sure, sex got them started, but love and my body grew them.  My body birthed them into this world and my body gave them nourishment when they were young and vulnerable.  There was a time in history when a child who lived to the age of 5 was revered as strong and capable of carrying on an enduring blood-line.  During those times, it was common-place for women to breastfeed, so it just goes to suppose that breastfeeding helped that child survive and thrive.

Why does it have to be one or the other?  And why do breasts, and the female body, get to only be used for sexual gratification?  What if, at the very least, we all put aside our own fears, short-comings, or anxieties and showed kindness and gentleness towards the smallest and most vulnerable of our species? 

I want to close with some advice for those of you who read this and who get a bit squeamish when you see a woman (or even think about seeing her) breastfeeding her baby.  To you, I ask for just a small amount of tolerance.  When those sirens go off in your brain and your internal dialogue is screaming "WARNING SEXUAL OBJECTS BEING EXPOSED," how about just turning your head and tending to your own business?  If YOU have an issue with the mother nourishing her small and innocent child, try to use discretion with yourself and your actions and words.  And if you can not understand the woman, try at least giving some respect for the mother who is just doing with her body what nature has intended.            

Nursing in Public: Debacle of the Delusions

I've been reading a great deal lately about people who are against nursing in public (NIP).  My Facebook fanpage, NIPPA sports a few of the links and stories I have come across.  What I've found are that there are a few commonalities amongst those who find NIP offensive.  Following is an FAQ of sorts to help dispel the delusions that seem to be rampant both online and out in the real world about nursing a child in public.  I decided to address the Top 5, so as not to bore you and go into novel status here on SPM. 

1.  "No one wants to see that, so cover up."  This phrase could be applied to a plethera of public activities, but we are speaking of feeding a baby here so I'll attempt to keep on topic.  If you have ever breastfed a baby, you will know that covering is either something you do to help yourself feel comfortable or something to try and keep the baby focused on the task at hand.  Once a baby reaches a certain age, the cover generally becomes a bigger distraction than a bicycling poodle who juggles flaming torches.  I have attempted covering in public and I would rather wear a neon sign and a big fuzzy clown wig.  Besides, most breastfeeding mothers are sensible, modest women who rarely, if ever show anything and I've actually been approached with the 'awww, sleepy baby' comments while my nine-month old is actively nursing.

2.  "Can't you do that in the car (restroom, dressing room, at home, etc.)?"  Sure, I could.  But can't you also go hide in those places so you aren't offended by me breastfeeding?  Some places do have lovely nursing suites, but I've yet to see one that I would feed my pet slug in so I'll be nursing my child in arms while I'm shopping or chatting with my friends or husband.  It is 100 degrees + right now in my car and I refuse to be relegated to my home simply because my baby likes to eat and I have errands to do.  As a consumer and a citizen, I have as much right to be at the mall as the next person. 

3.  "You can pump and/or bring a bottle."  I have to take a second and clean off my screen every time I read this sentiment.  I do that snortle thing where all of my Coke gets spewed out onto the keys and the nursing baby's head.  Obviously, anyone who says this has never breastfed because what's the point?  If I'm going to spend all of my time pumping and bottling, I might as well just feed my baby formula to appease everyone else in the world.  Breastfeeding is feeding, but it is about so much more than JUST feeding.  There is bonding and soothing and nurturing that go into every nursing.  Bottle-fed babies are much the same in that they crave suckling and comfort from their feedings.  Pumping is mechanical and it is not easy to do.  I began my current nursing relationship with a cold and unfeeling pump as my baby lay in the NICU struggling to breath.  I saw other mothers who worked with their pump for hours daily to then squeeze out tiny milliliters (it takes 30 mL to make an ounce) of breastmilk.  I was fortunate in the beginning because I made nearly four times daily what my baby ate but now I could not pump an ounce if my life depended on it.

4.  "You can feed your baby at home, THEN go out in public."  This is another comment that is laughable, at best.  With that sort of logic, YOU could eat at home and THEN go out in public, saving everyone from having to see you wolf down your Mickey D's or your chai latte with tofu infused bagel.  Restaurants everywhere will be singing your praises.  Seriously, babies are surprising little creatures.  You can feed them and I'll be a rabbit in a fox pen, those little dickens are hungry again in 20 minutes.  When I picture a breastfeeding mom trying to nurse at home, race to the store, do her shopping and get back home before her babe is screeching for another feed, it calls up images of illegally parked Fed-Ex truck drivers in crop pants toting a diaper bag.  Or maybe the Gino's pizzeria delivery guys with frayed pony-tails and smeared lipstick dragging little Suzy by the arm trying desperately to be on time. 

5.  "Breasts are sexual."  Sometimes, yes they are.  But so are fingers, tongues, toes, heck even noses and ears for some people.  How dare we go exposing our sexual organs out in public.  I demand you cover up those erotic digits before I have thoughts that I can not control.  As a breastfeeding mother, I assure you that my partner and I can distinguish between the sexual use for breasts and the natural, biological use for breasts.  If you can not, or you just can't stop thinking about that mother over in the play palace at the mall sticking her BOOBS in her babies mouth, I suggest therapy with a highly-qualified shrink. 

So there you have it, my Top 5 Delusions of the Deluded, debacled and de-valued.  I dare say that I have covered all of the lunacy or that one person will ever be able to dispell all of the madness that surrounds a woman breastfeeding her infant in public, but it is what it is.  My grandmother gave me excellent advice in regards to seeing things that I don't want to see.  She told me that if something offends me, the first thing I need to do is to turn my head.  Until someone grabs your face and smooshes you into her boobs to FORCE you to watch her nourish her child, I suggest you take Nannie's good advice.  Or there's always the standard, STFU.  Your choice.

Raising the Challenging Child -Part 3 "It Really Does All Work Out in the End"

I know how difficult it can be at two in the morning when your child wants to scream because you won't get up and play with her.  That was us two nights ago as our youngest decided that she had had enough of being in bed and wanted to get up and play.  When she found she could not get up and play and that she really was tired, she wanted to nurse non-stop.  We didn't get it right;  we got frustrated and snippy with each other.  One thing that we have to remember as a parenting team is that we have to go forward and that this WILL all work out in the end.  We are just starting the Challenging Child journey with this, my fifth child, but we know that the long nights will one day lead to huge grins as we enjoy a child who is comfortable with where she is in the world. 

Child One recently graduated high school and is going to college on an athletic scholarship.  When she was a screaming, demanding infant, I never dreamed that one day she would be a well-rounded member of this family.  I do remember feeling that I had somehow failed her and I knew from that day on that I would strive to help her turn out to be all that she could be.  She has grpwn into a good person, a great basketball player, and the best big sister and daughter a family could have.  Most of the credit goes to the fact that she has decided to be a decent person, but I'd like to think that some of the time we took to help her readjust and re-enter the family as an attached member were beneficial to her sense of belonging.  Eventually, she will be entirely responsible for herself, but I would like to know that the skills she learned as a child help her in her daily life and that she can pass those on to her own family.

Child Four will be attending pre-school in the fall and we are all excited for her as she begins her school career.  Like her challenging sister before her, she is bright, precocious, intelligent, and eager to learn new things.  Unlike her sister, she has had attention and responsiveness to her needs and demands from the moment she enter the world and she will begin school with a better understanding of who she is and her place in her family and in her world.  I wish I had been able to give that to Child One from the beginning.  Even though it took us until she was in the third grade to realize how to help her grow, she turned out better than okay, more than average.  It will be interesting to see how Child Four and Five turn out.  Our first Challenging Child is setting the bar fairly high for her siblings.  Let's hope that they can all achieve their goals and live to 100% of their own potentials.